A theme that is so important throughout our lives, as showcased through social media, relationships, and behavior, is the theme of self-care. When someone mentions self-care, we can think of face masks, matcha teas, reading, journaling, etc. But the ideology surrounding self care is manifested from this idea that you need to love yourself, spend time with yourself, and learn to be your own best friend.

Does anyone ever feel uncomfortable with the idea of being alone? Maybe not on an existential level, but maybe more in the lens of daily life. When we fear alone time, we tend to accept more people and activities in our lives, because we prioritize comfort and convenience over quality. We hate the idea of not having people to spend time with so we have a lower standard of where we invest our energy.

When we learn to love and accept ourselves, we start to value ourselves. When we hold ourselves to a higher value, we are less inclined to accept less than we know we deserve. Internal confidence, and self-love, means you do not seek external validation from others, because you have it within yourself. You understand that people in your life are there because you WANT them to be, not because they NEED to be. 

Have you ever hung around a group of friends that make you feel bad about yourself, but you do it anyway because you have no one else to hang out with? Maybe you are still in a toxic relationship with your boyfriend/girlfriend because you fear being alone once you break up with them. Your fear of walking away without having other people to stand beside you leaves you accepting relationships that are not beneficial. Once you learn to love yourself, you learn to become your own best friend. Once you become your own best friend, you no longer need to stay friends with others just because you do not have anyone else. You also no longer need to stay in that toxic relationship with your romantic partner because you do not fear being alone, but trust that in God’s timing, and yours, everything will work out in your favor. 

How do you learn to love yourself? I love that question. Learning to love yourself is one of the most important lessons in life. I think of myself as my own best friend. Think of that friend in your life that you love. What makes you friends with that person? What makes you look up to that person? What makes you comfortable with that person? These questions are probably sharing the same theme, which is you have learned to love and appreciate your friend because you have spent time with them. This is no different than the relationship that you have with yourself. In order to love yourself, and become confident in who you are, you need to spend time with yourself.

Spending time with yourself means doing things that you really enjoy. It means learning about the hobbies, and activities that make you happy. When you do things that make you happy, you grow in your confidence and self-assurance, because you are actively learning more and more about who you are, and what you enjoy. If you enjoy going on walks? Take yourself on walks. Maybe go to a coffee shop and grab some coffee before, or maybe even reward yourself after the walk. If you want to try something new on the menu, try something new to see if you like it. Maybe you enjoy shopping or thrifting… spend time with yourself by going on a shopping date. If you are not used to this, it might be a little uncomfortable at first. However, discomfort is growth. But the more you do it, the more you learn about yourself, and the easier it becomes to enjoy doing things on your own. You start to develop trust with yourself because you learn how to navigate daily trouble, or issues on your own, and grow in your own credibility to be able to handle whatever comes your way. You no longer need to wait around for others, because most things you do with your friends can eventually become just as much fun when you go alone. 

Another question that people ask is, what if you do not know what you enjoy? You would be surprised at how often I hear about people who do not have any personal hobbies, or have any activities that they do during their alone time. Don’t you ever get sick of just sitting on the couch on your phone when you do not have plans? Don’t you wish you could get to the point where you can have a fun day, even if you have no one to do it with? That is the importance of hobbies. If you do not know what you enjoy… then you need to go and learn! Find things happening in your city, try a new activity, research popular things to do… etc. The internet can really be used for anything! Go out, try a new hobby, if you love it, great! If not, then try something else. But eventually, the time you spend doing this will make you learn to love yourself, and enjoy your own company. 

If you like, you can even make it a challenge, similar to what I used to do. Everyday for an entire week, I promised myself that I would try something new, and go alone. Whether it be a new restaurant, walking in a different city, trying to cook for the first time, etc.Try this challenge, and you will be so surprised about the things that you learn. Let us know how it goes!

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:13-14