Have you ever had a favorite shirt that you used to wear ALL the time? You loved it because you felt like it portrayed your personality perfectly, or you loved how confident you felt in it, or maybe, you just loved it because you got so many compliments in it that it made you fall in love with yourself. Whatever the reason, you love that shirt. Maybe you even remember the day that you saw it in the store. You found something that you loved and knew it would be a staple. You thought you would always wear it, and that you would get use out of it for many years to come. 

But then, as life does, it forces you to grow, to change, and to evolve. You eventually forget about it until one day you find it in the back of your closet and reminisce about where you were in your life when you once thought that shirt was your favorite. This ideology has a way of following you into many different aspects of life, and you are constantly given moments where you are left to reflect, in a good way, about your path, and the journey you have been on.

Being in your 20’s is so fun (!!) because you find that you are in a mode of reflection more than you ever have been before. You are in a space where you see the growth you are making, and you are constantly reflecting about your life, your goals, and what you want. It is the time in your life where you are sitting in thought about the path you want to take, and the direction you want to go. You are outgrowing the thoughts, patterns, trauma, and interests that once suited the teenage version of you, and are welcoming the new interests, thoughts, and patterns that are developing your adulthood. While you outgrow a lot of things in the sense of cognitive development, sometimes, you can also outgrow your relationships. 

I am writing about this because I recently lost a friend to the tribulations of life, I guess. My friend and I were inseparable. She was the only person whom I felt truly understood by. People coming and going in my life did not matter to me because I had her. Having that one person that sticks by you creates an anchor in your heart, and comfort in your soul, that life is going to be okay because no matter what you both go through, you will be there for each other… but it is hard to be prepared for the day you lose that.

Me and my friend, we will call her Miranda, were the kind of friends where I truly looked up to her. I thought she was very wise, gave great advice, and although we were different, we related to each other on a foundational level. Miranda got out of a 5 year relationship, and turned to partying and drinking as a way to cope with it. I am not going to lie, going out with your girls can be super fun for a while, and so for a while, I partook. But giving into the world is a slippery slope, especially when you and your friends have different intentions when doing it. As someone who was in a relationship at the time, and still is, we can just say going out meant different things for us. Me and Miranda started to spend less and less time together, because inevitably, we just started to desire different things, and we had different priorities.

The hardest moment for me was right before I knew I had to let go. It is pretty similar to a romantic breakup in my opinion. You do everything you can to save the relationship while there is still hope, however, as time goes along and the path you each choose grows wider and wider apart, it is the moment you realize you can no longer choose what is best while still choosing the friendship. So in choosing you, you have to let go. 

Although losing a friend is hard, losing yourself is worse. You should never sacrifice your own needs and wants for anybody else, because you are quite literally the only friend you can never lose. You have to be there with yourself when no one else is in the room, and in moments where you do not have anybody to lean on. So although losing a friend is hard, I know that the consequences of losing yourself are much more tragic.

 I want anybody who is reading this to understand that. If you do not know if you should stay friends with someone, think about what might happen if you choose to stay. Think about what you would be doing if you forsake your own needs. 

If anybody is going through a friendship breakup, or has already been through one, or maybe debating one, I would love for you to write a comment and share your story. I want to read them. I want to create a community where we share our experiences so we can come to understand that we are not alone in this.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow”. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10